Closing a door

The thing with the IT guy is getting hot and heavy. We have been talking online, on the phone, texting ( almost sexting ). He is really sweet and charming. What I like the most about him is that he is very respectful and he knows where to push boundaries. He makes me feel very safe.
We were talking online and it happens that one of the things he wants to do is one of the same things I've been craving. Only had one person doing it to me and he was high ( The Mechanic ). I told him, well, I'll talk to my GYN to get birth control pills. He got quiet and told me that he haven't had it bare in quite some time.
I'm very happy he likes the idea and I'm very happy he likes me. I'm very happy he won't touch a finger unless I allow him. I know how respectful he is. And I love that.
So I guess this is one of the last entries of the Viking.
I had a great run with him. I've learn so much from him. I was able to separate one from the other. He got me out of the funk I had after the Mechanic and even though I fell I rose like the Phoenix. I will always have him in my heart.
Tomorrow will be the last time I will look into his eyes and feel his galeonic arms around me. I will feel his powerful lips forcing mines to open like a shell opener looking for my tongue. Kissing with the love he is afraid to give because of being hurt. A fake love. But a love none the less . . . .

The End of the Road?

So since I am having so much trouble trying to get to the Viking;i decided to try other options. I posted once more on Craigslist to try my luck. This time I had much fewer responses. Today I met the IT guy. 42 divorced one child and everything in the right place. He's very sweet and charming. I know he's passionate to what he does. He remind me a lot of the Mechanic in his early months, before he showed his true colors but working and making money AND without the weed. I still remember his long fingers doing a great hand massage. I just wanted to lay my head on his shoulder. His eyes will look into mine and i would blush. We were supposed to meet for 15 minutes and it ended up in 2 hours. I loved the fact that he made the time for me and wasn't trying to get into my pants. Let's see where this goes

The Waiting Game

I received a call yesterday from the Health Department. Reason why? Well, someone decided to list me as a partner and this person has been diagnosed with HIV. I was floored. Figures, I stay single and I stay monogamous, but the one ( or the ones ) I was with doesn't!.

The results won't be in for 2 weeks. So now is just wait.

I have only had two sexual partners in the last 3 years, is not that I've been getting around. If it was The Mechanic, well, what a way to find out that he left me more than bills. If it was The Viking, well; I knew he wasn't exclusive to me, but it was both of our fault because I brought the protection, he didn't use it and I didn't enforce it.

Be what it may, I'll just have to resignate and move on. I was thinking maybe on if its like that, I won't have any more children, and I may be able to have my breast reduction. Just have to be more careful and more clean.

The tarot cards said about change. Maybe this is the change I was getting . . .

Finito, Aug 3, 2088

I've been away for some time. My work blocked most of the internet access and I don't have a puter.

Well, I came back to my Church. I've been really active. My kids love it. But the Mechanic doesn't. Him and the boy were baptized about two months ago, but the Mechanic haven't been able to leave the world. So he started to visit this other church and now he proclaims he has found Jesus. So because of that, I can't be with him anymore. I love this man ( yes I do love this man ) but I can't be with someone who is not like me.

"I just want to be next to you . . ."

The kids are on Spring Break. Because I got promoted to adjuster, I have an 8-4:30 schedule, so after I come home and eat, I got to see the kids, that are staying with the psychic's son. The Mechanic is not welcomed overthere, because of the Ex and because the psychic is afraid he is going to eat everything in sight, depriving the kids from food.
So I went to see them all, they had dinner and I stayed. The Mechanic texted/IM me several times, checking how I was. I went to get the Psychic with all and everyone in the car. So I dropped everyone at the house, came back.
I went home and that's when all hell broke lose. He was upset and all shaky voice because he felt left out. He missed spending time with the kids and me. I explained him that as of this time we have to play it by ear, that until I/we have a place to live we will have to make sacrifices. He feels he misses spending time with them and with me as a family.
I figure, why didn't you think this before? Don't you realize this is all your fault? Because you weren't man enough to tell me what's up? I explained him that everything is a matter on time, until we can get back on our feet and have our own place, there will be days like that.

The Way I Am

If you were falling, then I would catch you.You need a light, I'd find a match.
Cuz I love the way you say good morning.And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cuz I love the way you call me baby.And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.Sew on patches to all you tear.
Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.And you take me the way I am.You take me the way I am.You take me the way I am.

Lies, Lies, Lies

On September this year, I spoke with the Mechanic. The first 6 months I
took care of the rent and kept a job while he was getting fired left and
right form jobs. I told the Mechanic, I want my rent paid or you have to
move out. He made a big fuss about it, he said that he finally found a
job that will keep him and they are not afraid of working him.

That lasted a month.

He started working at CinRem, again, and after working two days, he was
told the machines were broken and that because he is the one with least
seniority he had to stay back.

That lasted two weeks.

When I confronted him about the rent, he was told at the leasing office
supposedly that they would work with him for cleaning some of the
apartments that are vacant to get caught up with rent.

That lasted another two weeks.

He was hired by an independent contractor to work welding. Yesterday we
went to his team leader's house. Team leader gave him advice for what
looked like he is not doing and he needed to do better.

And he was telling me he was doing great.

On Sunday, I am looking for an specific letter and I come across this
pink slip saying that I have to be in court on the 30th. He said I don't
have to be and he has everything taken care of. I called the number and
ask what's up. It was a lawyer's office and they just wanted me out of
the house and wanted the money.
He never told me anything about it, just that everything is taken care
off.

So I am facing eviction, and I have until the 12 to move out and I have
to come with 2200 so it won't show on my credit. Not to mention looking
for another place to live. Hooking up electric, water, xfer my phone.
And finding a way that I can move all my stuff . . .

And he is not telling me.