"You think that you can do without me" - Counting Crows

So I did it with The Viking . . .

Dragged me to his bed and we ended up making a mess on that huge bed of his. However, we have changed.
This time he wasn't handsy and we spoke a lot this time. I simply said I have to go and even though he tried to kiss me, I put on the excuse of lipstick ( did I mention it was red? ) But I gave him a great hug. And left.

I think I have found the half way mark

The Bed is Made

I have had an itch that I haven't been able to scratch for a very long time. You know what I am talking about.
Last night my dear sister sent me a text ( very raunchy) which I translated and sent to my anglo-saxon friends. The Viking was one of them. I immediately received a text from him and we have arranged for a rendevous on Tuesday. So there it is, he made his bed and he is about to lay on it.
Starting tomorrow, I will be going on my fruit/veggie/good stuff diet to lose like 5 lbs. I will get me a spring it dress from Old Navy. I will shave every single follicle from my chin down and I will smell better than a cinnamon roll. And on the same way, I will do him and rock his world; and that will be my opportunity of getting up and looking at my fake watch ( "ooh, would you look at the time/no hunn, I am going to the buffet: but you were a tiger ) a kiss on the cheek, ( or on the forehead ) and au-revouir. This is a second chance . . .

Action has its reaction E=MC2

So I was commenting with one of my friends about The Viking. About his return back from asylum and it happens that one of them had been contacted by him.

She told me she had been reached by him somewhere around the time he would disappear and that my name came into play. That because of the place of employment (Insurance Dating Services), he gave 50 million excuses but she dumped him. And for some reason it makes me feel warm and toasty inside.

What you reap is what you sow; v2.0

My Cards Told Me He Would Be Back

So I see you are alive and kicking ( and trying to kick my way ).

Thanks to Facundo Bacardi and Mr. Dole Piña Colada mix we are in contact once more. You find yourself alone once more and once more you turn over here . . .

However, this is NOT the same girl you left out in the cold some two months ago. Sweet as always, yes. But this time this girl has her eyes wide open. This girl wants something you are not able to provide; you will have your reasons.

If you don’t know what the heck I am talking about, maybe is the same thing that drove you away. It’s love, baby boy. Love.

I have realized that I can’t separate one from the other. This is thanks to you. Please, don’t take it as an insult; I am thankful you did what you did. And now, my only goal is to make love to someone who loves me. And I love him too. I know you are looking for no strings attached. So yes, I want to be your friend, but without the benefit.

I can still share recipes, send you audio clips and stuff that is your passion. I can try to go to one or two of your shows to show support. Remember I admire you as a person more than what you ever imagine. However, unless I am really drunk or you are willing to take that next step, we can’t share bed.

Though, no worries; rest assured, my opinion about you has not changed a bit, I still get myself off thinking of our encounters and your beautiful, tantalizing and sexy self and your idle hands. I am just waiting patiently to the day that you can see me the same way I see you.

Mexican Wrestler - By Jill Sobule

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel
A fallen angel who visits your dreams
And in those dreams I'd blow you a message that says
You really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler
A Mexican wrestler in a red vinyl mask
And I might grab you, body slam you, and maybe cause
physical harm
But when we would land
I might take pity on you
I can crack all your ribs
But I can't break your heart

You will never love me
And this I can't forgive
That you will never love me
As long as I will live

Sometimes I wish that I was a beauty
A beautiful girl who was still 21
And I'd turn your head as well as your buddies
And I could afford to play hard to get
We'd go to parties and you'd show me off
And I'd go home with someone else

You will never love me
And this I can't forgive
And it will always bug me
As long as I will live
You will never love me
Why should I even care
It's not that you're so special
You're just the cross I bear
You will never love me

Desires

My desires to see the Viking are growing and growing ever so strong. I can't stop thinking about him. Today I went with a friend to the Bishop's store and it happens to be close from where he lives. I thought I would drop him a line. To see how's he doing. After all, besides the feelings and admiration, there was a friendship. But then I read my weekly tarot it kind of tols me something really interested. It tells me to watch for ethical conflicts ( Card 5, the Hierophant ) The one on Monday also told me Do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Peace of mind comes from making the decisions. Put aside any selfish interests. It may be necessary to sacrifice in order to achieve success. Instead of trying to control situations and people; LEAVE THEM ALONE ( Card 12; the hanged man ).

It's pretty much telling me to just let go. But I miss his face.

I caught myself thinking of you

I was listening to my MP3 player and I was listening to Surfin’ Bird from the Trashmen. Then after the first 30 seconds I heard the drum solo. And you came to my memory.

I know is something stupid. After all it’s been almost three months since I saw and you and two since we last communicated. But your memory lives on my mind. I feel however, as you had died. Like I know where you are, but the knowledge and the feeling that I can’t see you anymore. That though is just a 30 minute drive, I know I am not seeing the man that I cared for so dearly.

I have a great deal of admiration for you. Not too many men will leave everything to pursue a dream. That takes a lot of courage. Maybe that’s one of the things that attract me to you ( besides your gorgeous and perfect self in every way ). I like the fact that you won’t go down with a fight. I like the fact of that how independent you are. Because you do ask for help, but you also give reparations in exchange.

I shouldn’t be even trying to reach out for you; but love is stronger than pride. And though the pain is subsiding, the love is still there. Will it go away? Not anytime soon.