It's been one week since you looked at me

I remember where I was one week for today.

I was having lunch with my co workers and one of my friends asked me about The Viking, curiously referring to him as “my boyfriend” I corrected her explaining her that no, he is not, but we were doing great. I explained her that due to our particular situation I could not consider him just as a friend with special benefits. That’s what my head was programmed to think; but my heart has never agreed with my head, so when I received that text message the day after, my heart was broken. My heart had not agreed with my brain about how I feel about him.

During the week I felt as is something was missing; my heart was making me aware of what I have lost. But my head started working full speed on why should I not be sad. My heart told my head to start browsing “what went wrong? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? “And all I could remember was the many times I made your colors flush away from your face, or you turn speechless. But my head told my heart: “He is emotionally unavailable” or “ he wasn’t that much into you” . With time and some tears shed, I finally got my heart and my head to agree on one thing: I will always love him; but he is not convenient for me. I know he won’t be willing to open up or share his world. My heart said “ I hope this special person loves him for who he is not for what he is or what he does or what he has; because I did “

He hurts less now in me. Even though there are moments that I wish I had one more day. I just hope he is OK. All I know is that he keeps appearing on my Tarot cards.